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By Vivian Greentree

My son turned two this month. When friends and family started to ask what they could give him for his birthday my mind immediately went to his 529 college fund. By the time he is in college who knows how much tuition, room, and board will cost, right? Besides the last present my mom sent him is sitting in the corner languishing, being thrown over for the present that was sent shortly afterward by his other grandmother. His attention span is that of, well, a two-year-old, and my husband and I are trying to plan for his future.

Still, while I sat thinking of the best present to get a toddler, my mind kept replaying some advice I remember my mom giving me stretching back all the way to my own childhood days. If I went to her and whined about my older brother and his annoying (one-way) spitball games, she would say, "Look at each other with love in your heart." When I got in a fight in grade school over who got to sit by Ms. Swinton, and later complained about it to my mom, her advice, "Look at your friends with love in your heart." And later, in college, when I got my heart broken by the boy I had thought I was sure to marry and cursed him to my mom, she commiserated, but ultimately said, "You have to look at Russell with love in your heart." She even held her ground during the last presidential election, when I felt all hope was lost and called her, ranting about the setbacks in social, political, and economic justice and questioned the personal integrity of those who would seek to instigate a pre-emptive war and then lie for the very…well you can see where it was going. Still, and I know it was hard for her, but she said, "You have to look at these people with love in your heart. That is the only way anything will ever get solved."

So, reflecting on such wisdom, I decided the best gift I could give my son on any given birthday is to relate to him the kind of guidance that my mother bestowed upon me. Look at others with love in your heart was the most often said mantra, but certainly not the only one. I remember vividly in the 5th grade when my friends started picking on a new girl in our classroom. Because by 5th grade, everybody who's anybody is already somebody, right? When I got home and told my mom about it, she asked if I spoken up for the new girl. Of course I hadn't, who wanted to incur the wrath of a bunch of pre-teen girls? Not me.

That was when I got the "Stand up for others who can't stand up for themselves" advice. Of course we argued over the literal meaning of the phrase when I wanted to adopt every stray animal in our neighborhood, but it has since been one of the most lasting pieces of advice she has given me. Over time, standing up for the marginalized and oppressed has come to mean championing social issues like universal healthcare and gay rights.

And I am already instilling the importance of sharing with my son. While today it is toys and books, tomorrow it will be the environment and funding for those federal programs designed to assist the needy (which corresponds nicely with standing up for others).

My mother was also a big fan of Stephan Covey. So I often got, "Seek first to understand, then be understood." This one I am still trying to master today. Right now. Every time I read a newspaper article mentioning the possible repeal of Roe v. Wade or even locally, giving our precious public beach over to money-hungry developers…this is the counsel that I really rely on. It will take a couple more years to approach MJ with this particular piece of advice though, since right now he doesn't even understand his own emotions – only that he wants what he wants when he wants it! Still, this is one of life's instructions that I think more people should take advantage of. Squabbles, fights, perhaps even wars could be avoided if we were all a bit more attuned to others' needs and motivations.

So, this year, as the best kind of gift, I am going to ask all of my family and friends to send us one piece of advice they think will serve MJ well as he journeys through his life. Advice that will make him a better man, a man that will someday impact the world in a positive way. As for me, my advice to him will be, and continue to be, mind your mother!